Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Searching

Gulp.

I'm going to be in the presence of way too many strangers, non of whom.. or very few.. know me.

Did I ever mention that I'm a little nervous about meeting strangers? Especially strangers I've never met, even online?

I am afraid of judgement, I suppose. What will they say? What will they think. Why will I care?

But I will. I will care. In some deep, private part of me, I will care that not even the best weight loss pills in the world can make me skinny enough in 48 hours to make me "normal" sized, nor will anything make it easier for me to walk.

So, somewhere in the most public parts of me, I will tell myself I don't care and that most people are far too involved with themselves to give me more than a half a moment's thought. I'm not that important that people will spend too much time judging.. and if someone has so little in their life that they have time to judge me...then I ought to feel sorry for them.

That's the grown up thing to think, and feel.

But, deep inside me, there's a four-year-old who'd really like to be just like everyone else.

1 comment:

  1. You are sweet and lovely and beautiful just the way you are. I love you, and everyone else at BlogHer will, too!

    ReplyDelete

Plant a seed!